Living with ADD/ADHD – Children

 

 

Life with ADD/ADHD for Children

Life with a child with ADD/ADHD can be frustrating and overwhelming, but as a parent there is actually a lot you can do. The symptoms of ADD/ADHD can be controlled and reduced. You have the power to help your child meet his or her daily challenges and channel his or her energy into positive arenas—and at the same time bring greater calm and order to your family home.

Children with ADD/ADHD can and do succeed. The earlier and more consistently you address your child’s problems, the more likely their success.

Helping your child with ADD/ADHD:

What you need to know

 

Children with ADD/ADHD generally have deficits in executive function: the ability to think and plan ahead, organize, control impulses, and complete tasks. That means you need to take over as the executive, providing extra guidance while your child gradually acquires executive skills of his or her own.

Although the symptoms of ADD/ADHD can be nothing short of frustrating, it’s important to remember that the child with ADD/ADHD who is ignoring, annoying, or embarrassing you is not acting this way because they want to. Kids with attention deficit disorder want to sit quietly; they want to make their rooms tidy and organized; they want to do everything their parent says to do—but they don’t know how to make these things happen. Having ADD/ADHD can be just as trying as dealing with someone who has it. If you keep this in mind, it will be a lot easier to respond to your child in positive, supportive ways. With patience, compassion, and plenty of support, you can manage childhood attention deficit disorder while enjoying a stable, happy home

 

ADD/ADHD Parenting Tip 1: Stay positive and healthy yourself

 

As a parent, you set the stage for your child’s emotional and physical health. You have control over many of the factors that can positively influence the symptoms of your child’s disorder.

The power of a positive attitude

Your best assets for helping your child meet the challenges of ADD/ADHD are your positive attitude and common sense. When you are calm and focused, you are more likely to be able to connect with your child, helping him or her to be calm and focused as well.

• Keep things in perspective. Remember that your child’s behaviour is related to a disorder. Most of the time it is not intentional. Hold on to your sense of humour. What’s embarrassing today may be a funny family story ten years from now.

• Don’t sweat the small stuff and be willing to make some compromises. One chore left undone isn’t a big deal when your child has completed two others plus the day’s homework. If you are a perfectionist, you will not only be constantly dissatisfied but also create impossible expectations for your child.
• Believe in your child. Think about or make a written list of everything that is positive, valuable, and unique about your child. Trust that your child can learn, change, mature, and succeed. Make thinking about this trust a daily task as you brush your teeth or make your coffee.

When you take care of yourself, you’re better able to take care of your child

As your child’s role model and most important source of strength, it is vital that you live healthfully. If you are overtired or have simply run out of patience, you risk losing sight of the structure and support you have so carefully set up for your child with  attention deficit disorder.

Take care of yourself. Eat right, exercise, and find ways to reduce stress, whether it means taking a nightly bath or practicing morning meditation/relaxation. If you do get sick, acknowledge it and get help.

• Seek support. One of the most important things to remember in parenting a child with ADD/ADHD is that you don’t have to do it alone. Talk to your child’s doctors, therapists, and teachers. Join an organized support group for parents of children with ADHD. These groups offer a forum for giving and receiving advice, and provide a safe place to vent feelings and share experiences.
• Take breaks. Friends and family can be wonderful about offering to babysit, but you may feel guilty about leaving your child, or leaving the volunteer with a child with ADD/ADHD. Next time, accept their offer and discuss honestly how best to handle your child. Make sure they follow through with routines, expectations as well as rewards and consequences. You don’t want your child to have the upper hand when someone else takes care of them. Explain to them that all will be the same even if you are not there.

 

ADD/ADHD Parenting Tip 2: Establish structure and stick to it

 

Children with ADHD are more likely to succeed in completing tasks when the tasks occur in predictable patterns and in predictable places. Your job is to create and sustain structure in your home, so that your child knows what to expect and what they are expected to do.

Tips for helping your child with ADD/ADHD stay focused and organized

• Follow a routine. It is important to set a time and a place for everything to help the child with ADD/ADHD understand and meet expectations. Establish simple and predictable rituals for meals, homework, play, and bed. Have your child lay out clothes for the next morning before going to bed, and make sure whatever he or she needs to take to school is in a special place, ready to grab.
• Use clocks and timers. Consider placing clocks throughout the house, with a big one in your child’s bedroom. Allow enough time for what your child needs to do, such as homework or getting ready in the morning. Use a timer for homework or transitional times, such between finishing up play and getting ready for bed.
• Simplify your child’s schedule. It is good to avoid idle time, but a child with ADHD may become more distracted and “wound up” if there are many after-school activities. You may need to make adjustments to the child’s after-school commitments based on the individual child’s abilities and the demands of particular activities.
• Create a quiet place. Make sure your child has a quiet, private space of his or her own. A porch or bedroom can work well too, as long as it’s not the same place as the child goes for a time-out.
• Do your best to be neat and organized. Set up your home in an organized way. Make sure your child knows that everything has its place. Role model neatness and organization as much as possible.

Avoid problems by keeping kids with attention deficit disorder busy!

For kids with ADD/ADHD, idle time may exacerbate their symptoms and create chaos in your home. It is important to keep a child with ADD/ADHD busy without piling on so many that the child becomes overwhelmed. Sign your child up for a sport, art class, or music. At home, organize simple activities that fill up your child’s time. These can be tasks like helping you cook, playing a board game with a sibling, or drawing a picture. Try not to use the television or computer/video games as time-fillers. Unfortunately, TV and video games are increasingly violent in nature and may only increase your child’s symptoms of ADD/ADHD.

 

 ADD/ADHD Parenting Tip 3: Set clear expectations and rules

Children with ADHD need consistent rules that they can understand and follow. Make the rules of behaviour for the family simple and clear. Involve them in establishing the rules (as few as possible).Write down the rules and hang them up in a place where your child can easily read them.

Children with ADD/ADHD respond particularly well to organized systems of rewards and consequences. It's important to explain what will happen when the rules are followed and when they are broken. Finally, stick to your system: follow through each and every time with a reward or a consequence.

Don’t forget praise and positive reinforcement

 

As you establish these consistent structures, keep in mind that children with ADHD often receive criticism. Be on the lookout for good behaviour—and praise it. Praise is especially important for children who have ADD/ADHD because they typically get so little of it. These children receive correction, remediation, and complaints about their behaviour—but little positive reinforcement. REMEMBER IT IS NOT YOUR CHILD THAT IS BAD, THEY MAY HAVE MADE A POOR CHOICE. SEPARATE THE BEHAVIOUR FROM THE PERSON!

A smile, positive comment, or other reward from you can improve the attention, concentration and impulse control of your child with ADD/ADHD. Have starring contests to see if they can outstare you and therefore practise concentration. Do your best to focus on giving positive praise for appropriate behaviour and task completion, while giving as few negative responses as possible to inappropriate behaviour or poor task performance. Reward your child for small achievements that you might take for granted in another child.

 

ADD/ADHD parenting tip 4: Encourage movement and sleep

Physical activity can help your child with ADD/ADHD

Children with ADD/ADHD often have energy to burn. Organized sports and other physical activities can help them get their energy out in healthy ways and focus their attention on specific movements and skills. The benefits of physical activity are endless: it improves concentration, decreases depression and anxiety, and promotes brain growth. Most importantly for children with attention deficits, however, is the fact that exercise leads to better sleep, which in turn can also reduce the symptoms of ADD/ADHD.

Find a sport that your child will enjoy and that suits his or her strengths. For example, sports such as softball that involve a lot of “down time” are not the best fit for children with attention problems. Individual or team sports like basketball and hockey that require constant motion are better options. Children with ADD/ADHD may also benefit from martial arts training, tae kwon do, or yoga, relaxation and mindfullness exercises which enhance mental control and focus.

Better sleep can help your child with ADD/ADHD

 

Insufficient sleep can make anyone less attentive, but it can be highly detrimental for children with attention deficit disorder. Kids with ADD/ADHD need at least as much sleep as their unaffected peers, but tend not to get what they need. Their attention problems can lead to overstimulation and trouble falling asleep. A consistent, early bedtime is the most helpful strategy to combat this problem, but it may not completely solve it. Relaxation/ creative visualization exercises before bed, calm quiet music and aromatherapy help them to fall asleep. Warm milk and honey also help.

Help your child get better rest by trying out one or more of the following strategies:

• Decrease television time and increase your child's activities and exercise levels during the day.
• Eliminate caffeine from your child’s diet. Cola drinks and chocolate have significant caffeine.
• Create a buffer time to lower down the activity level for an hour or so before bedtime. Find quieter activities such as colouring, reading or playing quietly.
• Spend ten minutes cuddling with your child. This will build a sense of love and security as well as provide a time to calm down.
• Use lavender or other aromas in your child's room. The scent may help to calm your child.
• Use relaxation tapes as background noise for your child when falling asleep. There are many varieties available including nature sounds and calming music. Children with ADHD often find "white noise" to be calming. You can create white noise by putting a radio on static or running an electric fan.

The benefits of “green time” in kids with attention deficit disorder

Research shows that children with ADD/ADHD benefit from spending time in nature. Kids experience a greater reduction of symptoms of ADD/ADHD when they play in a park full of grass and trees than on a concrete playground. Take note of this promising and simple approach to managing ADD/ADHD. Even in cities, most families have access to parks and other natural settings. Join your children in this “green time”—you’ll also get a much-deserved breath of fresh air for yourself.

 

ADD/ADHD parenting tip 5: Help your child eat right – they only eat what you buy for them.

 

Diet is not a direct cause of ADHD, but food can and does affect your child's mental state, which in turn seems to affect behaviour. Monitoring and modifying what, when, and how much your child eats can help decrease the symptoms of ADD/ADHD.

All children benefit from fresh foods, regular meal times, and staying away from junk food. These tenets are especially true for children with ADD/ADHD, whose impulsiveness and distractedness can lead to missed meals, disordered eating, and overeating.

 

Eating small meals more often may help your child’s ADD/ADHD

Children with ADD/ADHD are notorious for not eating regularly. Without parental guidance, these children might not eat for hours and then binge on whatever is around. The result of this pattern can be devastating to the child’s physical and emotional health. Prevent this pattern by scheduling regular healthy meals or snacks for your child no more than three hours apart. Physically, the child with ADD/ADHD needs a regular intake of healthy food; mentally, meal times are a necessary break and a scheduled rhythm to the day.

• Get rid of the junk foods in your home.
• Put fatty and sugary foods off-limits when eating out.
• Turn off television shows riddled with junk-food ads.
• Give your child a daily vitamin-and-mineral supplement.

Have your child's energy levels checked through muscle testing and meridian balancing – through Touch for Health – it can make a huge difference!

Nutrition Basics for Kids

Whether or not your child has ADD/ADHD, he or she will benefit from eating a nutritious diet. Most children eat far too many unhealthy foods—from burgers and fries to ice cream and soft drinks. Few get the vitamins, minerals, protein and fibre, they need. It is important to your child’s current and future health to eat a healthful diet, and that may mean that you need to improve your own diet to set a good example.

ADD/ADHD Parenting Tip 6: Teach your child how to make friends

Children with attention deficit disorder often have difficulty with simple social interactions. They may struggle with reading social cues, talk too much, interrupt frequently, or come off as aggressive or “too intense.” Their relative emotional immaturity can make them stand out among children their own age, and make them targets for unfriendly teasing.

Keep in mind that many kids with ADHD are exceptionally intelligent and creative and will eventually figure out for themselves how to get along with others and spot people who aren’t appropriate as friends. Moreover, personality traits that might exasperate parents and teachers may come across to some people as quirky and charming.

Helping a child with attention deficit disorder improve social skills

It's hard for children with ADHD to learn social skills and social rules. You can help your child with ADD/ADHD become a better listener, learn to read people’s faces and body language, and interact more smoothly in groups.

• Speak gently but honestly with your child about his or her challenges and how to make changes.
• Role-play various social scenarios with your child. Trade roles often and try to make it fun
• Be careful to select playmates for your child with similar language and physical skills.
• Invite only one or two friends at a time at first. Watch them closely while they play.
• Have a zero tolerance policy for hitting, pushing and yelling in your house or yard.

Make time and space for your child to play, and reward good play behaviours often.

 Medication

The MTA study found medication to be very effective in the management of AD/HD symptoms. This means that they mask the symptoms they do not treat the issue.

Since AD/HD is a neuro-biochemically- based problem, it stands to reason that medication that gets to the core of the problem would be effective. The medication most often used is stimulant medication, especially methylphenidate.

Most people know this medication as the drug Ritalin. There are other stimulant medications—Concerta, Metadate,

Dexedrine, Cylert, and Adderall, an amphetamine compound. These medications are believed to work by stimulating the action of the brain’s neurotransmitters, especially dopamine. With the brain’s systems working more efficiently, attention, memory, and executive functions, including inhibition, are improved. The result is better concentration, increased working memory capacity, greater recall, less hyperactivity, and more impulse control.

Stimulant medications do not tend to help with symptoms of anxiety or depression (Barkley, DuPaul, & O’Connor, 1999). The decision to place a child on medication may not be an easy one, especially given the controversy that surrounds the stimulants, specifically Ritalin. There have been many reports that medication is overprescribed for treatment of AD/HD. However, according to the American Medical Association’s Council on Scientific Affairs (Goldman et al., 1998)( Be advised that there have been fatal deaths due to the use of Ritalin in the U.S.)

“There is no widespread over prescription of methylphenidate by physicians” (p. 1100). By following good diagnostic procedures, the chances of overprescribing this medication are significantly reduced. Some children cannot take stimulant medications. In these cases, the physician knows what other medications can be helpful in relieving AD/HD symptoms.

Medication may not be the right approach for every child. Always discuss any medication treatment thoroughly with your child’s physician. He or she should explain the benefits and the drawbacks of medication to you and also to your child, if appropriate. When medication is first prescribed, the physician should start with a low dose and then gradually raise it until the symptoms improve. You will need to dispense the medication as prescribed and closely monitor its effects, including any side effects. With stimulants, most side effects are quite mild and go away over time. Since your child spends a large portion of his or her day at school, you will also need to be in contact with your child’s teachers to determine positive effects and side effects.

 Communicate with the physician often, especially when medication is started. Call immediately with any problems or questions. Also be aware that during adolescence many teens actively resist taking medication. If this happens, it’s wise to discuss the situation with your child’s doctor. While medication cannot be forced on an unwilling patient, the doctor may have some ideas of how to work with your son or daughter about any resistance to taking the medication. don’t wait for a behaviour to happen or not happen. You change what happens before the behaviour—head it off at the pass, so to speak.

 For instance, if your child constantly forgets things for school, design a system for where to put things so they get picked up on the way out the door. Your son or daughter needs to know ahead of time what behaviour is expected. He or she also needs to know what the consequences will be for behaving (following the rules) or misbehaving (breaking the rules). Consequences are given as soon as possible. Give far more positive consequences and rewards than punishment. Children who hear too much negative feedback often become oppositional or depressed. Managing behaviour thoughtfully, without a lot of reaction, especially undue punishment or criticism, helps to prevent unwanted side effects of poorly managed AD/HD. Some families need to use formal behaviour management systems. These include charts or contracts.

The difference between the two is simple. Generally, contracts are used during early to mid-adolescence. In a contract, the involved parties (usually the parents and child, or teacher and student) talk about certain chores or obligations that the youth will fulfill. They draw up an agreement. The youth receives certain agreed-upon privileges or rewards for meeting the terms of the contract. Charts are usually used for children ages 11 or younger. A chart lists behaviours that the child must display. Points are given or taken away depending on the child’s behaviour. Accumulated points may be accumulated for rewards.

 There are other alternative natural supplements on the market that also help with ADHD symptoms.

 If you decide to make a behaviour modification chart, you may wish to follow these three simple steps.

• Make a list of problematic behaviours or ones that need improving.

• Select three to five behaviours from the list. Review the list and, with input from your child, select the behaviours

to work on. Pick behaviours that occur on a daily or frequent basis, such as doing homework, going to bed

on time, being respectful to all family members, or doing chores.

• Create a reward system. Assign a point value to each listed behaviour. Throughout the day, give points for appropriate behaviour. At the end of the day or week, your child can “cash in” points for rewards or privileges that have been agreed upon in advance.

 In order for rewards to work, they must have value to the child. Since children with AD/HD tend to become disinterested in the same thing over time, the rewards usually need to be changed frequently to have value.

 

 About punishment: Children and teens with AD/HD respond best to motivation and positive reinforcement. Give them regular “time out” only for the purpose of calming down and focusing on what they need to be doing. THIS IS NOT A PUNISHMENT. Time out teaches them to be responsible for their behaviour. Time out should be in a quiet place NOT a bedroom.

  

It is best to avoid punishment. When punishment is necessary, use it sparingly and with sensitivity. It is important that you and your child’s teachers respond to the inappropriate behaviour without anger and in a matter-of fact way. Your child needs to be taught to replace inappropriate with appropriate behaviour. DO NOT SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF. SAVE PUNISHMENT FOR SERIOUS MISBEHAVIOUR. USE NATURAL CONSEQUENCES FOR SMALL STUFF. OR TRY TO IGNORE THE LITTLE THINGS.

   

 Use good communication skills

Say what you mean in a firm, loving way. Practice listening without judgment and discussion without attack.

Recognize that your child with AD/HD has trouble listening.

Be brief and to the point.

 Ways to Improve Life in General

Become Proactive. Knowledge is power. Gain knowledge about AD/HD so you understand why and how this disability affects your son or daughter at home, in school, in social situations, and how it affects your entire family.

 Change Your Belief System. Before your son or daughter can change his or her self-concept, the adults in the child’s life have to change the way they view him or her. Separate the child from the behaviour, and then separate the child from the disability. We don’t have “AD/HD children.” We have children who have AD/HD.

 De-stress. Find positive ways to soothe yourself. For example, exercise, meditate, take long walks. Less stress means better self-control. Look for the humour in things, and enjoy a good laugh.

 Act, Don’t React. Emotional responses such as blame and anger lessen when you stop, look,

listen, and then respond. Thoughtful parenting is needed here.

 Catch your Child Doing Something Good. The home atmosphere and the child’s sense of self-worth

change when the air fills with words of praise and encouragement. Pay plenty of positive

attention to your son or daughter. Reward and show appreciation when he or she does what is expected.

 

 

              

Kids with ADD/ADHD: Using Rewards and Consequences
Rewards	Consequences
Reward your child with privileges, praise, or activities, rather than with food or toys. Change rewards frequently. Kids with ADD/ADHD get bored if the reward is always the same. Make a chart with points or stars awarded for good behaviour, so your child has a visual reminder of his or her successes Immediate rewards work better than the promise of a future reward, but small rewards leading to a big one can also work. Always follow through with a reward.	Consequences should be spelled out in advance and occur immediately after your child has misbehaved. Try time-outs and the removal of privileges as consequences for misbehaviour. Remove your child from situations and environments that trigger inappropriate behaviour. When your child misbehaves, ask what he or she could have done instead. Then have your child demonstrate it. Always follow through with a consequence.

 10 Ways to Teach Your Children Well

 10. Help your child identify his or her areas of strength.

9. Help him or her to identify areas of weakness and ways to work around them.

8. Teach self-advocacy skills.

7. Be your child’s strongest advocate.

6. Create opportunities for success—no matter how large or small, like special chores.

5. Play or do activities with him or her.

4. Encourage your child’s special interests.

3. Enroll him or her in extra-curricular activities.

2. Help your child find a special place in your life..

1. Be your child’s biggest fan.

 

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